The AEG emails - what a shock

As I put in an earlier email, Kenny Ortega seems to have been the only one with his priorities on straight - concerned about MJ more than the show.

It was a tough position for everybody to be in.

To refer to MJ as lazy was totally unjust and unrealistic, though, and I think shows just how little these people understood who MJ was or how he was. OR what he'd been through due to the decade of allegations and the trial, and what that can do to a sensitive spirit. PTSD really would cover what he suffered - Lauren has a good point. 

How could he have been lazy and accomplish the things he did? Ridiculous that Gongaware even said it.

Worn out - tired - lonely - paranoid - yes, he had every right to be those things.

I think MJ was just as strongly repelled by fear of past abuses as he was attracted by the wonderful artistic challenge of the comeback. He had a dream team to pull from and they had lots of innovative ideas, which couldn't help but stimulate him. But IF he failed somehow... they'd be on him like locusts. And he'd lose everything! Lord Almighty.

It seems even more unbelievable every time I think about the position he was in and the challenges to overcome.

RB also made a good point about these men spouting off out of panic that their butts were going to be in trouble with the boss if "the Artist" didn't shape up and do what they thought he should do in the way they thought he should do it. Can financial concerns override basic humanity? We know it can and did in MJ's life so many times. Another true irony in his sea of ironies.

Yes, it does take an army of financial types and everything else you can imagine to get a superstar like Michael onto the world stage, RB, I totally agree -

But at the end of the day, when the show is ON, only two things matter ---- the man on the stage and the people in the audience. Nothing else matters. Nothing.

If that special chemical reaction doesn't work for some reason, it doesn't matter how many Gongawares or Phillipses or Ortegas or Beardens have been involved.

That reality alone decides the priorities in my humble opinion. This is my experience of live performance, and my passion for it.

And yano, I almost didn't care if Phillips and Gongaware were "nice people" or not - though I mistrusted their priorities because of Phillips pursuing MJ for AEG for such a long time - I just hoped that what they showed during This Is It was genuine respect for MJ and grief that he was gone. It seemed so in the film. 

Now sadly, I know better.

Last night I couldn't sleep as usual so I started reading the Armond White book - the intro is great, but the first few essays are a bit rough as AW is still in his skeptic period and really beating on the nose jobs and what he perceives as major sell-out physical changes.

But the cracks in his cultural contempt start to show in Understanding Michael Jackson, and by the time he gets to this paragraph in The Gloved One Is Not A Chump:

"It's important that Black folks understand Jackson's physical appearance isn't anything so superficially pathetic as wanting to be white. His greatest desire---which he sang passionately in "Man In The Mirror"---is to 'lift yourself' above the common, petty fetters and divisions that affect most people's lives. The degree to which he has attempted this turns the song title 'Black or White' into a question about himself---a question made irrelevant by the obvious answer: 'Human.' "

... I almost cried! 

White folks need to understand this clearly too, maybe more so. 

The evolution of his nose may have been born from a desire to separate him physically and emotionally from his immediate family (his issues with his father, which his nose came to represent somehow, and the teasing issues), but the addition of the vitiligo into the mix certainly symbolically represents a more profound and meaningful evolution away from color and race, perhaps interpreted by him as divine intent, who knows? - and precipitated a more profound soul change for him personally as messenger of his time and place in history.

I'm looking forward to reading the further evolution of AW as a chronicler of an artist who in truth had no peers, ever - the combination of multiple talents, innovation, multicultural sensibility and spirituality and connection to the world will never be equaled.

Bless you Franci for sending me this book, and for T and all of you who told me I must read it.

Raw is a good word to use concerning those first few chapters. Stephanie warned me that a few things were a little rough in the beginning with his style of criticism so I was prepared. By the end of the book, I could tell that ol Mr. White wasn't so focused on appearance anymore....but the genius himself. Thank you Mr. White for coming around and making it clear that Michael Jackson isn't a chump!

 "It's important that Black folks understand Jackson's physical appearance isn't anything so superficially pathetic as wanting to be white.

preach it now... come on

White folks need to understand this clearly too, maybe more so. 

alright now, preach it a little harder!!!

Please note - that first quote is AW - all the rest (preachin' it a little harder as you say) is me. 

Can't blame him for what I wrote...

It does get better as the book progresses. After reading that book - which was early on -- I had an epiphany about how purposeful Michael was in everything he did.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm seeing the change in White's attitude on every page now, Stephanie, and it's just wonderful as he transitions from detractor to supporter and expands upon his ideas re MJ's intentions and execution.

The really great things about AW from my point of view include:

He's a Black critic reporting upon an important Black artist, musician and filmmaker from a point of view that I would certainly never get from any white media representative -

He's not in the "inner circle" of media, not of big-name music critics or of film critics, and so not polluted by their commercialism, bad habits, lack of ethics and narrow thinking -

He's evidently respected by the mainstream media in spite of not kowtowing to them or accepting their questionable standards -

He doesn't apologize for his earlier thinking about Michael Jackson and isn't afraid to include that as contrast to his later analyses and opinions.

Really loved the sections about They Don't Care About Us - so absolutely true - so asinine to accuse MJ of antisemitism when anyone who knew ANYTHING about the man's integrity and long-stated consistent philosophy of respect, peace and love would know that he would not do something so ILLOGICAL as to release a song that deliberately assaulted and insulted another culture... Just ludicrous. Loved his opinions on why MJ played the game in apologizing for that song's content and his timing in doing so, even tho AW's point of view is a bit cynical.

This is a book that will require two or three reads to really digest in detail. It's also quite a vocabulary lesson - on practically every page I have to stop and look up a word or two. He's quite a teacher.

I got really excited at these words (tho specifically about TDCAU, they relate universally):

"No mainstream reviewer has been willing to admit that Jackson sees media perfectly accurately as an adversary. They get in the way of a direct response to art or to other events in life. The strength of art is proven by how deeply it can draw you into an artist's experience. If critics aren't compelled to sympathy by the excitement and trenchant quality of Jackson's singing or his inventive arrangements... they're intentionally resisting it."  

This is worthy of being repeated in any defensive comment to any media person. Assuming they have the intellect to grasp it.

Trying to recall when I went wrong.

The eighties and part of the nineties I belonged pretty much body and soul to opera production.

Actually discovered MTV on a trip to LA because of opera and my mentor who was performing at the LA Olympics.

Gorged myself on MTV after that and loved how often they ran MJ.

Did not really tune into him until OTW. Went through multiple copies of Thriller. Liked BAD a lot especially the new attitude.

LOVED Dangerous. Thought (and still do think) it was the most interesting mix of styles and tunes I'd ever heard.Went wild for Ghosts, saw it multiple times when it first was telecast, and started collecting things from the film. (Not a usual thing for me...)

It meant something somehow. I didn't really know what exactly, but it tugged at me. And it was really well done.

After that, I went into a new life - went into business for myself - then got sucked into high tech by a client and worked 12 hrs a day, seven days a week for several years trying to make a lot of money. I did, and lost it all again when various start-up companies didn't start up. Somewhere in there I lost touch with music almost entirely, which is just a terrible thing when I think back and wonder how that could even happen. I have never bought crap magazines or followed the tabloid television stations nor had the slightest interest in celebrity gossip, so I really knew only what "mainstream" media chose to run about MJ, and I couldn't help but wonder why this guy couldn't seem to catch a break, and could he really be such a monster as they were making him out to be? But I wasn't curious enough to investigate for myself.

I had some really difficult times from 2001 to 2005, as did MJ of course, so I did hear the headlines and knew about the trial.

I have a very clear memory of the day the verdicts came in; having sold my boat and lived for a short time in temp housing, I was in process of moving back to Mountain View and had just looked at the apartment that some of you visited last August. When I heard "INNOCENT" I was in awe. My cynicism about the chances that a rich and famous black performer had to actually get a fair trial was washed away by a huge moment of truth and justice, really a watershed moment IMO. I was amazed and happy for him. Had no idea how devastated he had become or what had happened to his wonderful career because of all that bullshit. But he was free and alive and that was great. So I thought.

Missed Thriller 25. Did not hear HIStory or BOTDF or Invincible until after 6/25/09.

That Black Day (as Franci calls it) one of my technicians came in from the yard, stopped right in front of my desk and said "Hey, I just heard on the radio that Michael Jackson just died."

This was a surreal moment.

This is a guy I hardly ever spoke to for any reason, a young guy, early 20's.

Like OUT OF THE BLUE, he tells me this.

And I had never spoken about MJ or played his music at work, ever.

I stared at him for a few seconds trying to filter this statement and wondering why he would tell me this.

"No way," was my eventual less-than-brilliant response, and I immediately logged onto the Internet (like everybody else on the planet).

After a half hour of trying to find out if MJ was dead or alive and why in the HELL that suddenly mattered so much, I had the oddest feeling that something had shifted.

Time or space or something.

I went home that night and dug out the few pieces of music I had left. Cassette tapes, fer'heven's sakes! Unsatisfied, I went out the next day and started buying new CD copies.

First, Number Ones.

Then Dangerous.

Then OTW and Thriller.

Then the others, one by one, with HIStory being my last purchase.

The tears had already started.

And the insatiable desire to backtrack and find out everything there was to know about this man. Good, bad, ugly or indifferent, I needed to know.

Again I was mystified.

I felt so devastated myself, much more so than when I had lost family members and friends!

This was getting in much deeper somehow. Some hitherto unreachable part of me was leaking badly, like Chernobyl only wetter.

First daily, then multiple times a day.

I'd cry upon waking up.

I'd cry upon laying down to sleep.

And the music, whether new to me or wonderfully familiar, played endless loops in my head.

For months.

I honestly thought I had finally lost my marbles.

Did not have an inkling that I'd been touched by an angel.

Then one miraculous day, a random web search turned up the Michael Jackson Forum on Amazon.com...

I read the posts like I was starving and they were a gourmet buffet.

I wept even more knowing that I wasn't alone in these overwhelming and strange feelings. Crazy, surely, but not alone!

Didn't have the courage to post anything until almost six months later - posting in a chat room was so unlike anything in my universe, something only geeky people with no jobs or lives stayed up all night to do. LOL!

Then one day I said "hell with it" and posted a comment. YANA Girl and Aria were all over me in a nanosecond. But I survived and found my way to Theresa and Rebecca.

And the rest is HERstory! heh

I too feel terrible that I did not pay more attention. That I didn't care more. The world let go of his hand, even after he gave us everything he had.

I know he forgives us for that - so we need to forgive ourselves.

He's ours now and we're his.

What that means to each of us is the interesting part...

From me - to you!

When the room is totally dark

He comes to me, he sings for me

Only me...

Those soulful eyes begin so shy

But as the music mounts and churns

His eyes ignite and burn

And I can only yearn...

I want him so.

When the room is totally dark

I feel his touch, his breath, his heart

Pounding against mine

(Or is that mine?)

Percussion to the music he sends from the spheres

To my eager ears

And I can only burn...

I need him so.

 

 

When the room is totally dark

He speaks to me, so soft and low

A gentle murmur, then a sigh

Reminding me - love never dies

And angels come in many forms

If only hearts are open

And I can only learn...

I love him so.

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